This is what cracking open looks like.

Last week I wrote about taking the space to acknowledge and celebrate our achievements. What I did not share was that as I was writing those words, my actions were still outpacing that intention. Here is the whole truth. The day after I passed my exam, I started a seven day liver detox. It started as a pinky promise with a friend, we were both feeling stuck physically, like we needed a reset. So I thought, yes, sure, I can squeeze that detox in… Just as soon as I pass this exam. So on brand for me. Six years of work. Thirty minutes of celebration. Followed by, "What's next on my list towards bettering myself?" Here is the thing. I do not believe it was a mistake. Six years of working toward something builds a momentum that does not just stop when you arrive. And when the goal has been that big, rushing past it leaves two things unresolved. Not knowing what comes next. And not fully appreciating what you just became. The cleanse forced what I had been unwilling to do on my own. Slow down and fully own my accomplishment. This is a pattern for me. I make decisions on instinct, often not fully understanding until I am on the other side. I am learning to trust it. In Chinese medicine, the liver is responsible for the smooth flow of energy throughout the entire body. Its job is to process what we take in, not just physical toxins. It holds anger. Resentment. Frustration. That low grade tension of feeling stuck that we file away and keep moving past. The first two days of the detox involved drinking shakes and taking supplements. In total, I only ingested 440 calories per day. The choice to be busy was removed. I had to move slower. I made time for more rest. And then the dreams started. Two nights in a row I woke myself out of dreams so intense I had to physically move to shake them off. My subconscious continued the work of the detox while I slept. Mind. Body. Dreams. All working together. It wasn't a surprise to me that the detox ended on the full moon. The timing of this experience is just another example of my body knowing what I need before I do. You really cannot make this stuff up. The acorn does not crack open on our schedule. It cracks open when the conditions are right. That is when what has always been inside has developed into something greater than what is containing it. That is what this past week was. Not overdoing it and not falling back into old patterns, although at first that is what it looked like. It is taking the time to recognize a slight shift in behavior. Not all change is a massive overhaul. I now see more clearly how my instincts work for me, supporting my endless desire to grow and the importance of listening to my body along the way. After this experience, I am even more excited reflecting back on my achievements and being able to experience them taking root. New growth is tender. Next week we talk about what comes after the cracking open. How do we protect and honor ourselves as we blossom?