Choose.
Too many plates, not enough of me, and finally making a choice.
Fast forward a few more years. My daughter was on her way to being a teenager, in a world of her own, that, naturally, I wasn't exactly invited to participate in. Outside of rides to her many activities and events, she and her girlfriends were now planning without as much of their parent’s involvement.
In one breath this was a relief, the days of organizing playdates and coordinating with other moms, especially that one mom that's always impossible to deal with, was becoming a thing of the past. Great! One less plate to spin. The timing was wonderful since my son had begun needing more from me than I had left to give most days.
Then there was the next breath, the thing you can’t fully see, but feel years later when a slight heartbreak ensues, another chapter in parenting has come to a close while I was too busy with everything else to fully appreciate the precious micro moments.
Just to throw something else in the mix, I was now co-owner of an event venue, opening a restaurant, and still had agents reporting to me as their Managing Broker.
By the time I could finally ask the questions, was this anxiety, was this burnout, was something wrong with me. I knew all the plates I was still spinning, the venue, the restaurant, the kids needing more of me than I had, weren't the real problem. They were just the weight of it all and the wine was where the anxiety went to hide. I knew this was overwhelm, but what was I supposed to do with it?
It was because I had noticed the clenched hands, and because I had finally named the questions underneath them, that I could see the real choice waiting for me. Without that noticing, without that naming, I don't think I’d ever have gotten to this part.
The choice itself was harder than any of that. It meant looking at how I was living, all of it, and admitting the way I'd built my life could not keep going the way it was.
Choosing isn't the dramatic moment people imagine. It's not reacting, not overriding, not white-knuckling through one more day the way I had for years. It's choosing, on purpose, what happens next, even when what happens next costs you something you're not ready to lose.
I made that choice. I won't pretend it was simple, or that I can tell you every piece of it here. But I can tell you this: noticing led to naming, and naming is what made me realize I had to choose.
If you are finding yourself at a choice that you have named and you are seeking clarity on what the next right move is for you, a complimentary clarity call with me might be just the thing to sort out what's next for you.
